Guardian columnist Zoe Williams has described a rail trip to Liverpool with her youngest child that she said turned into an odyssey of five trains and four hours, after overhead lines came down at Crewe and crew shortages were reported nationwide.
Writing in her column, Williams said she could not pinpoint when the journey deteriorated, citing the similar-sounding names of stations and a lifelong tendency not to listen to a train announcement until it is halfway through.
She wrote that the 7.48am departure tends to be orderly and calm, carrying passengers who believe they know where they are heading and expect to arrive soon, whereas from 9.04am onwards passengers are drinking all the way to their destinations.
Between Rugby and Birmingham New Street, she reported a festive group travelling to the Horse of the Year show and pressing fresh fruit into cans of Pimm’s at breakfast time. She asked what the horses would make of it, noting that they have little tolerance for such pranks and are well known for being easily startled.
Between Birmingham New Street and Wolverhampton, Williams came across a 40th birthday party carrying numerous miniature bottles of prosecco. She described the group as highly charming and, in one respect, clearly marked out, since the celebration was identifiable by large flashing deely-boppers bearing the number 40. She said she was left with several questions, among them why 15 small bottles had been bought when four standard bottles would have cost a fraction of the price and produced the same effect, and what condition the group would be in on arrival.
On the Wolverhampton to Stafford leg, a stretch she noted lasts only 13 minutes, she said she was chiefly struck by how many passengers had troubled to open a can of Stella.
From Stafford to Liverpool, she encountered a stag party running up and down the carriage, yelling the words ay ay ay in a mock Scouse accent and wearing a Brazilian flag, behaviour she classed as the group having a normal one.
Williams concluded that while she dislikes British exceptionalism, she makes an exception for the country’s exceptionally poor train network and its exceptionally enjoyable trains, adding that she would recommend them.
The Guardian has promoted an evening event on Tuesday 1 December 2026 featuring Williams alongside the writers John Crace, Pippa Crerar, Jonathan Liew and Lucy Mangan.
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